Archive for Love

Simulating Security

Trusting God

Look at your life. Every grandiose aspiration and tiny little bad habit. All of it is the sum of the life you have lived, and your reactions to that life. That is neither good nor bad … it just IS. It’s what is so.

So when you scrutinize different elements of how you are living your life … you don’t have to beat yourself up about them. They are simply what is so. If something works, continue on doing it. If it doesn’t work? Then perhaps you could look into what exactly is needed to begin changing that aspect.

This is the conscious work I have been doing of late. Sifting and sorting through my habits, and then digging underneath them to find the root of what is behind them. It sounds kind of painstaking, and it is actually … but I am finding a slew of current every day behaviors that are rooted in things that go WAY back to my childhood. Even though I am not LIVING in my past, literally … I am. Until now I had thought I had already worked through all of these things … released them to God through forgiveness and meditation.

I have found though that I am living in a present full of habits and behaviors that were LEARNED in my past. My brain and body have memorized what emotions and chemicals to release when each one of those habits are engaged in … and suddenly I am right back in the very same emotions from my childhood … just attached to a current day situation. More often than not my internal reactions are NOT equal to the events today … because the events going on today for me are nowhere near what they were for me as a child.

Some of you may have had wonderful childhoods … and if you did I am truly happy for you. It would be wonderful for everyone to experience such a thing. I had happy early years, but from age 11 on my life was full of death, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, and physical abuse. I am not saying that in search of consolation … it simply is what was so in my life. Those events comprise who I am as a person today … and you know what? I am pretty damn happy with the person I am today! 🙂

So many of the wonderful things in my life that I treasure wouldn’t be here at all if I hadn’t experienced the life that I did. I have no regrets.

What I am finding through doing this conscious internal work, however, is just how much I still live in the same emotions from all those years ago. Those events no longer take place in my life … but the emotions live on through the habits I developed. Back then I didn’t know any better … and those habits actually kind of made sense for who I was then. They protected me in some way.

If all of this doesn’t completely make sense, I will give you a couple of examples from my life and show how they have evolved into different forms in my current life:

* As a child who experienced abuse virtually around every corner … my greatest fear was of being blindsided by some horrific event. So I began scanning 24/7 for anyone who would potentially be a threat to me … and I avoided those people.

* As a child I also ate foods that gave me comfort … they ultimately gave me comfort because I got to choose what I was eating and that made me feel in control. It was something I could lose myself in and not worry about the next awful thing that would happen to me.

In the first instance, it really is pretty simple to see how that stayed around. Because of my 24/7 scanning I began making instant assessments about anyone who came into my life. If any alarm bells went off in my head you were a threat and simply avoided. Who knows what those alarm bells could have been triggered by though?? Who knows how many wonderful friendships I missed out on, or opportunities I sabotaged all for the sake of perpetuating a habit that began in my childhood. Something that made me feel safe … but ultimately was sabotaging me. So now I go around with my head up, making eye contact and smiling at people with a heart WIDE open … sounds kind of simple, but when I first started doing it I literally felt like I was going to be attacked every time.

In the second instance, my use of food as a way of comforting myself … to feel like I had control … morphed into multiple areas: throughout my college years that turned into sexual promiscuity, alcohol consumption, drug use, and basically experimentation with anything that appealed to me. If I wanted it, that was enough … I simply did it, and that made me feel like I had control over my life. It made me feel that I was safe, even though I quite literally put myself into very dangerous situations as a result. So now I consciously go about looking at what is behind my desires … am I doing something simply because I enjoy it, or am I doing something to simulate security?

Even if you didn’t have a childhood full of abuse … I bet you can take a look at some of the things you do today and if you dig deep enough you might be able to find that they are rooted in some deeply seated event in your psyche. Even though you’ve moved on in life … those emotions, fears and reactions still live on. Take one thing that you feel embarrassed or ashamed about … and see if you can go internally wherever your emotions take you. Some memory most likely will unfold. Don’t shut it down … allow it to play out in your mind.

When you are done … open your heart to God and invite Love into that place. Ask for healing deep down into this ancient wound. Over time this kind of work will allow you to be free of these self-sabotaging ties to emotional events from our past. God wants us to be free to receive and give Love … everywhere, all the time. We can’t do this though without freeing ourselves of these fetters from bygone years.

Sometimes something as simple as letting go requires some work … work to discover what you didn’t even know you needed to let go of.

Peace and Love.

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

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The Sum Of Our Parts

personal history puzzle

We are all the sum of our parts … those being experiences had (good and bad), and decisions made (good and bad).

There is no other person in the entire universe who actually knows how things occur uniquely for you … nobody. None of them have your experiences … so when something happens to them they are triggered back to their own unique emotional responses based on their own set of experiences, memories, and decisions. You and your set of emotional reactions to the world spinning around you … are completely unique and literally not knowable to anyone else.

Kind of makes you feel lonely to think about. In thinking on this deeper however it actually gives me hope, and understanding, and forgiveness.

In my own life I was taken back to the first person who broke my heart. I vilified this person for years and made them into a complete monster. That former love had no clue, however, what was being triggered in me by the lies, deception, and severing of our bond. For me it took me back to a childhood full of abuse, the death of my mother, rejection by my father, etc. I was a quasi-suicidal teenager … I’m also living proof that it very literally DOES get better. Each and every year that goes by gets better and better … life is is a beautiful and tragic miracle and through all that pressure, pounding, sculpting and polishing … it really can turn into a beautiful gem. So if you are in such a place … don’t give up hope. Keep living, and striving, and learning how to live with your heart wide open … life will get better.

Back to my earlier point … that person who broke my heart? The place that I was transported to by their rejection and deception was completely unique to me. There was no possible way anyone could have known the horrors of that place. That person did not do THAT to me … because they didn’t even know those levels of pain could exist, most likely.  I now look back and can literally see the whole scenario as a few mistakes that were made … mistakes that I very easily could have or could make in my own life. I can see that now and forgive them … LOVE them even. That person wasn’t a monster … they were just flailing around trying to find a way to stay afloat.

The same is true for everywhere we go in life. Every person you come across throughout your day is a unique universe unto themselves of emotional triggers that take them back to places within them unknown to anyone else around them.

This is why LOVE is the only way to be … LOVE is the only source that translates to every person. True love … unconditional love … LOVE freely given from an open heart. It gets through that mine-field of personal travesties and recollections and touches people at their core. To live any other way … is to simply be setting off chain reactions of other people’s personal histories all around you, everywhere you go.

You really do change the world … but it is up to you to decide how you want to do that. All you have to do is LOVE, and you will be a success … a beautiful, stunning, dazzling success of a person … nothing else is needed, or even important. Stay open, and never close … become a conduit of Love … and life will miraculously transform around you.

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

Release the Fragrance

My words for meditation today:

“The one important thing is to realize the divine life and to help others to realize it by manifesting it in everyday life. To penetrate into the essence of all being and to release the fragrance of that inner attainment for the sake of the guidance and benefit of others by expressing in the world of forms, truth, love, purity, and beauty alone have intrinsic worth.”

– Meher Baba

~~~~~~~

“The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.”

– Siddhartha Gautama

~~~~~~~

I am currently going through previous posts to re-learn the amazing lessons God has led me through over the years.

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

Release the Fragrance.

A Perfect Paradox

paradox

“I am already perfect … I need do nothing to become perfect … it is only my actions that are imperfect.”

That is a very different mantra than what I grew up with!  For those who do not know, I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian missionary family.  There were good sides and bad sides to this, as there is to all things … Dualiity.  The wonderful side is that this upbringing is what introduced me to the concept of having a literal relationship with God … it doesn’t get any better than that!  One of the many down sides is that I was imprinted with certain mindsets which I have now come to see are false … not only are they false, but they are harmful.

The specific mindset I am referencing here is the mindset that “We all are born sinners!” … horrible, awful sinners who must bemoan their woeful state and flagellate themselves constantly with the lashes of shame and penitence.

This is false.

We all truly are beautiful creations … at our core we are the unique, sparkling beauty of a soul that God created us to be.  We have LEARNED to do evil things … but we are not evil at our core.  We have taken upon ourselves the structures of the world around us: how we were raised, who we find to love, where we go for acceptance and validation, what we choose to believe, who we choose to follow, and the list goes on.  These all are the structures we have built upon the fabric and foundation of our souls … and we will do ANYTHING to maintain the solidity and surety of those structures … even if it means doing things that are harmful to others.

It is in letting these structures dissolve we find the freedom to become the perfect and beautiful creatures that we were created to be.  The more we adhere to these structures, the more we keep that perfect creation buried deep, SO DEEP, within the sealed up wells of our inner psyche.  We do this thinking that we are protecting ourselves … if that True Self gets hurt it can be devastating.  So we submerge it, and hide it, we bury it, and bind it … so that we won’t be hurt in such a way again.

In doing so, however, we are denying the perfection that already IS.  We already ARE perfection … the perfection that God created us to be.  It is only our ACTIONS that are imperfect … and those actions are based on what we have learned, taken on, or been brainwashed to believe.

Will my actions ever be perfect? No, probably not. That still doesn’t mean that I am a horrible, awful person at my core … and neither are you.

When you were born and those innocent newborn eyes looked out into the world … do you really believe you were evil??  No … you were perfect … and you still are perfect … your actions simply do not reflect that perfection.  You have lost touch with the perfection that IS the LOVE of God. Love that is there for all of us, and LIVES in all of us already.  All we can do is strive to reflect that Perfection into the world around us … strive to embrace the fact that we are all beings with Duality and to embody the perfect Love that is already there at our core.

Doing this means LETTING GO of the structures that are learned or imposed … not clinging to them more desperately.

THAT is a HUGE difference … at least for me.

You are perfect … JUST AS YOU ARE.  God loves you … JUST AS YOU ARE.

Peace and Love.

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

~~~~~~~

I am currently going through my many posts to re-learn some of the lessons that have so changed my life in these past few years. These now are my posts to meditate upon and learn again anew. Peace and Love.

A Perfect Paradox.

A Perfect Paradox

paradox

“I am already perfect … I need do nothing to become perfect … it is only my actions that are imperfect.”

That is a very different mantra than what I grew up with!  For those who do not know, I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian missionary family.  There were good sides and bad sides to this, as there is to all things … Dualiity.  The wonderful side is that this upbringing is what introduced me to the concept of having a literal relationship with God … it doesn’t get any better than that!  One of the many down sides is that I was imprinted with certain mindsets which I have now come to see are false … not only are they false, but they are harmful.

The specific mindset I am referencing here is the mindset that “We all are born sinners!” … horrible, awful sinners who must bemoan their woeful state and flagellate themselves constantly with the lashes of shame and penitence.

This is false.

We all truly are beautiful creations … at our core we are the unique, sparkling beauty of a soul that God created us to be.  We have LEARNED to do evil things … but we are not evil at our core.  We have taken upon ourselves the structures of the world around us: how we were raised, who we find to love, where we go for acceptance and validation, what we choose to believe, who we choose to follow, and the list goes on.  These all are the structures we have built upon the fabric and foundation of our souls … and we will do ANYTHING to maintain the solidity and surety of those structures … even if it means doing things that are harmful to others.

It is in letting these structures dissolve we find the freedom to become the perfect and beautiful creatures that we were created to be.  The more we adhere to these structures, the more we keep that perfect creation buried deep, SO DEEP, within the sealed up wells of our inner psyche.  We do this thinking that we are protecting ourselves … if that True Self gets hurt it can be devastating.  So we submerge it, and hide it, we bury it, and bind it … so that we won’t be hurt in such a way again.

In doing so, however, we are denying the perfection that already IS.  We already ARE perfection … the perfection that God created us to be.  It is only our ACTIONS that are imperfect … and those actions are based on what we have learned, taken on, or been brainwashed to believe.

Will my actions ever be perfect? No, probably not. That still doesn’t mean that I am a horrible, awful person at my core … and neither are you.

When you were born and those innocent newborn eyes looked out into the world … do you really believe you were evil??  No … you were perfect … and you still are perfect … your actions simply do not reflect that perfection.  You have lost touch with the perfection that IS the LOVE of God. Love that is there for all of us, and LIVES in all of us already.  All we can do is strive to reflect that Perfection into the world around us … strive to embrace the fact that we are all beings with Duality and to embody the perfect Love that is already there at our core.

Doing this means LETTING GO of the structures that are learned or imposed … not clinging to them more desperately.

THAT is a HUGE difference … at least for me.

You are perfect … JUST AS YOU ARE.  God loves you … JUST AS YOU ARE.

Peace and Love.

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

 

Perfect Facade

facade

Living in this world is almost entirely comprised of proving your worth.  People like to pretend that this is not the case, that their “love” is really the stuff that True Love is made of … that being Unconditional … but this idea is disproved all around us.

Think about it … if you did nothing to prove your worth, where and who would you be?  If you didn’t shave hairs off your body, or spend hours looking just right, or get a job that garners respect, or lose weight, or act in the way that is most appropriate to those you have chosen to love … what would your view of yourself be?  What would their view of you be?

You have proving yourself to your family, or proving yourself to the Church … proving yourself to the government … proving yourself to the girls, or guys, or neighbors, or bosses, or co-workers, or strangers who you don’t even know but you don’t want them to look at your weirdly in the grocery store while you’re shopping for food.  We do EVERYTHING just to gain what passes for acceptance or love … but really isn’t acceptance or love at all.  It’s acceptance and love for the perfect facade you present … not you.

If all you did was sit on a street corner … could you live with that?  Could you face yourself each and every day?  Would the nagging, nay gnawing, diminish or grow within you?

What if I added something to that question?  What if all you did was sit on a street corner … and worship God … all day?  Does that change it for you? No, probably not.

Why is that?

When there is nothing more important that we can be doing than loving God and, through that, loving each other … why is it that EVERYTHING that defines us is about proving ourselves to each other?  It’s the OPPOSITE of loving God and, through that, loving each other!!

Even for myself with meditation … I have realized that so much of that is about DOING something … PROVING myself.  I have to be making myself into the epitome of what I believe God wants me to be … when all God wants is for me to BE … right there, in that moment, in the present LOVING and basking in the hovering afterglow that IS God.

Try it … see how hard it really is ;-).

Am I saying that we should all just do nothing?  Of course not … but we CAN at least detach that incessant inner source-wire that has become the pseudo pump for our life blood … dictating virtually every action we have.  What if the decisions you made in life were not about anything more than what is authentic to you … to who you were created to be?  To simply be the person that makes God smile.  That would be a wonderful place to step forward from …

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California, Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach

A Wicked Trifecta

forgiveness, judgment, letting go, breaking bad habits, breaking patterns, allowing, inner work, healing

“Triad” – by Carla Parris

Of late I have been meditating on the issue of judgment: how it occurs in my life, and how much it needs to be allowed to come up, worked through, and let go of. Here is a note I dictated, on the fly, on the subject … in a moment of epiphany.

“If I hold onto judgment in any form then I end up judging myself even more cruelly. Because of my abusive past I have an inner voice that is incredibly destructive.

So if I judge other people I will judge myself ten times more harshly. If I judge myself that harshly then when other people judge me it will cut me to the very depths I have already judged myself.  From that state of self-judgment, I will proceed to pre-judge others as a defense mechanism.

It is a wicked trifecta of judgment … if I allow any one of them to exist in my heart then they will all exist … and consume me.

The only way I will ever be free is to give up judgment on all levels … in all forms … toward others, toward myself, and from others.”

Give it a try! 😉

Peace and Love

~~~~~~~

Religion4All is an idea: that every human being (no matter their race, religion, sexuality, social status, lifestyle, or any other possible factor) is LOVED by God; just … as … they are.

We all are loved by God, and NO religion or person has a monopoly on it. Every single person on this planet is loved equally by God … SO many are cut off from God because they are told they don’t belong. God loves everyone … we ALL are beautiful creations … we don’t need to cringe when we hear the words “God”, or “religion”, or their judgments … God LOVES us all!

There is no requirement to change in order to be LOVED by God, or to LOVE God. God is LOVE, and LOVE is God … period. There is no one who God loves more than anyone else … there are only those who choose to LOVE more … to love God more, and consequently then to love each other more. In doing so, we grow closer to God … and know God.

By opening our hearts, and minds to God (free of boundaries like religion, or social trends); by LOVING God … we are exactly where we are meant to be. If we maintain that openness, never allowing any person or event to make us close our hearts, we will be guided by God to be who we are meant to be.

In that space of openness we can then live a life of LOVE, and be guided to where we are meant to be … forever in LOVE.

Southern California, Northern California,Mission ViejoIrvineLos AngelesSan FranciscoMarinSan JoseSan Juan CapistranoSanta AnaPalm SpringsLong Beach